the details...

sorry that it's been a while, but being home has brought on a whirlwind of fun, reunions, and stress, :).

i am by no means organized or settled back into my life here in 'merica, but i am trying to be intentional about wrapping up any loose ends i have from africa. i would consider this blog a significant part of my trip because of the prayers and support i received as a result of it, so i wanted to end it with a 'bang.'

this post is no bang, but it is an end, :). i had my final meeting with the CURE head office on wednesday. i met the guy, stiv, who will be replacing me and i got the opportunity to discuss my trip at length with my bosses. it was a great way to sort through my own emotions about the experience and a good way for them to get some feedback. i hope we accomplished their goals.

the first time i was at the CURE office, i had a bit of a breakdown. i wrote about it on here. it was two weeks before i left and i was scared out of my mind. i can't say that my feelings leaving the office this time were really any different. i'm just as scared as i was 8 months ago, just about different things. i start school in a little more than a week and i have no idea how that is going to be. i haven't been in a classroom in forever and i'm pretty sure i'm not going to be very organized. i need to learn how to balance the lifestyle i came to love in africa with the craziness of my life here. i would spend hours doing what i loved in africa: reading, running, snapping photos, spending valuable and invested time with a small group of people. here, i've been all over the east coast and i haven't even been home a month. the old me is back in full swing. i'm rushing everywhere, making far too many appointments, and stretching myself way too thin. before africa, i just thought this was the way life was and i adapted. i was content amidst the madness. now, i've seen the beauty of living simply and i miss it terribly. i hate feeling busy now. it stresses me out. so my apologies if i seem on edge for a little bit, i'm just re-organizing my life, trying to marry the african rachel with the american one. this might take longer than i thought!

it's so good to be home. so good that i could cry. being with my family is better than i imagined and they are just the best. same goes for my friends. what an unbelievable support system - i'm forever indebted and forever grateful.

that said, there is this little voice in my head that says, 'what next?!' it's high pitched and nasal and i'm pretty sure it's my voice when i was little. sidenote: i was REALLLLY annoying when i was little. as is this voice. i'm feeling happy to be home, revelling in the things i missed out on. food, tv, family/friends, comfort, familiarity. but this annoying voice keeps asking me, pushing me to look elsewhere. it wants to go. and i do to...eventually. where? no clue. when? no clue. but i can't help but feel like this is the time. if i'm going to travel and see the things i want to, i have to do it now. i'm young, broke, and idealistic. that is the perfect storm for traveling, :). i don't want to look back and wonder why i sat around. so, i'll go. i don't know where. back to africa, the west coast, down to florida - the options are pretty wide open at this point. but i'm here til may and taking suggestions until then. someone give me a plan [and the funds to do it].

switching trains of thought...i've enjoyed this anonymous world of blogging. i like that i can spew out some thoughts and some random people read them. if they don't, at least i got my thoughts out of this crazy brain. i am debating continuing a blog - just about my life here at home. probably mostly photos and maybe funny stories, if they happen to me. i always made fun of people that blogged (as did most of you, probably). i don't know how to go about it without seeming narcissistic/self-involved. if i come up with a way, i'll post the new blog address on here. if not, pick up a phone and call me to talk to me instead of creepily reading about my life...kiiiiidddding.

my last thought...my last morning in africa, i woke up at 5:30 a.m. and hiked up this quarry to watch the sun rise over lake victoria with a friend. most of our time was spent in silence and the conversation was interrupted by lots of tears (from me). but it was good crying and it was the perfect end to my trip. all of the cheesy things that come along with watching sunrises were at the tip of my tongue. new beginnings, fresh starts, another chapter in the book of my life. i can't come up with anything that isn't cliche, so there it is. the event was symbolic of so many things for me and i would like this photo of it to be the last one i post about africa on here.

i hope that my thoughts/words brought some happiness to each of your lives, even if just a chuckle at the story of me falling and snotting all over myself. this blog meant more to me than it did you, and your interest in it floored me and flattered me. thanks once more for your prayers and support...i will miss our one-sided communication, :).

peace out suckas.