2 weeks.

me and africa had a productive day today. we got much more acquainted and, in my opinion, much more comfortable with the idea of one another, :).

so, i met my bosses today for the first time and was filled in about what my actual job description is. it started at 8:30 this morning and information was just fed to me for 4 straight hours. i was so excited to be hearing details about the trip that i wasn't really thinking about the emotional side of everything. it was just all logistics. i walked into the CURE offices with only car keys and came out struggling to carry my new shtuff - oh, and that is a purposeful "h".

the communications department showed me examples of patient stories similar to what i will be photographing and writing. they handed me folders and papers with examples and we discussed potential projects that i might work on. interestingly enough, the head of the communications department is my second cousin. so nice - she is making this whole process a lot easier to compute.

the a/v guy showed me how to use the video equipment and we had fabulous nerdy conversation about camera equipment and software. he was so kind and understanding. he handed me the camera bag with all the equipment i will need and said, "good luck!" i looked at him with an eyebrow (ok, it was two...) raised and said, "why are you giving this to me?" he chuckled and replied, "well, you are leaving in two weeks...this should probably go with you." and that's when it slapped me across the face - TWO WEEKS. i thought about it for only 3.5 seconds, then i pushed it out of my brain as he handed me a wasabi covered peanut which i obviously ate. my nose started burning and he showed me to me next meeting.

so with watery eyes from the wasabi and my collection of materials quickly growing, i met with one of the nicest men in the world. he had led staff devotions that morning and was obviously in some type of leadership position at CURE. he was one of those people that when you meet them, their face and voice can instantly put you at ease. my anxiety was really getting a move on at this point of the day and as i sunk into the chair in his office, i felt myself relax. he started by telling me that i was an answer to prayer and that he can already tell that i am a humble person. while mentally patting myself on the back and being characteristically impressed with myself for doing nothing, i realized the irony, :). my ego was quickly knocked back into place and then he started telling me how much i will hate it at some points and how i will want to come home. i agreed with him. he apologized for the shotgun approach at orientation that i was receiving. so just as my emotions began to creep in again, PTL, we started going over some facts. what to pack. what i will eat. what to wear. who to call in case of emergency. can i run in shorts? should i always say no when men offer me cows in exchange for marriage? you know, the basics. he proceeded to tell me that he was here as strictly a support system for me and was not going to be the "bossman". he was a friend, he offered to e-mail with me when things in africa get...iffy. he doesn't know what he just got himself into, :).

again, i began to pat myself on the back for making it through 4 hours of scattered orientation without any tears (minus the wasabi). then the nice man prayed. it was one of those prayers where he told GOD where he said things in the bible and used super eloquent phrases - he even mentioned things i was thinking that i haven't voiced to anyone about the trip. then he used the phrase "as rachel says goodbye in the next 2 weeks" and the tears came. thank goodness this man prays for a long time because i was frantically wiping my eyes and doing some sort of lamaze type breathing to keep from hyperventilating. i kept it together for so long during the day - i couldn't break the seal now. i knew it would be a disaster to start crying right before i left...it would have been two hours of counseling and trying to explain to them that i am in fact ready to do this (wait, am i??).

so i thanked everyone and walked out the door, 15 pounds of shtuff in tow. i was a little disoriented and overwhelmed by the sudden influx of information and contacts. the phrase "2 week" was running through my head so quickly that it felt like it was just cracking against the inside of my skull. i believe this is what real people call a "pounding headache." it was one of those headaches that you get from crying too much which confused me because i hadn't officially cried yet.

so i did what ever self-respecting american does when he/she is stressed out, confused, and anxious. i went to mcdonald's. feeling as though i was in somewhat of a dreamland, i walked underneath the golden arches and stared for a full five minutes at the menu - which i have (naturally) had memorized since 6th grade. my breathing began to shorten and my hands started shaking. i went into the gross bathroom and splashed water on my face. "why am i freaking out in mcdonald's? this is a good place. a very good place." these were the best thoughts i could come up with in this fragile state. sad, huh? so i got a handle on the weird breathing patterns and marched back out to order. without thinking at all, i ordered a double cheeseburger mighty kids meal and a small m&m mcflurry (relax vern, NOT a habit). i have never ordered either of these things in my life. i just did it. don't ask why.

so i get into my car and with the wheel in one hand and and a half eaten double pattied grease-wich in the other, i pulled onto the highway to go home. and then i cried. for 10 seconds. i wanted it to be longer, longer would have been much more therapeutic. but then i realized that i just drove past the exit for the turnpike and i got too annoyed to be sad. GOD thing? maybe. maybe i am not supposed to think about this - maybe i'm supposed to just jump...and hope. every time i try to focus on it, something comes up. missed exits, finals, american idol...the list is highly important, :).

so what does this post mean? it means i had a crazy day and i am trying to process it. if you have any tips/advice...feel free here people. if you have neither, just keep praying - still important. THANKS...love you all.